Kate Vernon, Business Change Manager at Marie Curie highlights why thinking about your care and wishes ahead of time is perhaps the greatest gift you can leave your loved ones.
Talking about dying and death is not easy. According to Marie Curie research conducted in 2021¹:
- Just 14% of respondents have shared future health and care preferences
- Only 20% of people have made financial arrangements for their funeral
- Only 40% have talked to someone about whether they want their body to be buried, cremated, or donated.
But if we’re not having open conversations about this subject, then we are limiting our own choices around our preferences for the end of our lives, and after.
Planning ahead allows us to:
- Discuss and identify what matters to us
- Make personal and informed choices about the type of care we wish to receive
- Be better prepared to cope with the emotional and practical experiences around death
- Have the opportunity to get our finances and personal affairs in order
- Enjoy greater peace of mind knowing that wishes are understood and plans are in place.
A gift for our loved ones
However it’s not just about us – it’s about our loved ones too. By planning ahead and thinking about our care and wishes ahead of time, we:
- Empower our loved ones to make decisions on our behalf when we are not well enough to do so
- Provide comfort by knowing they are honouring our wishes
- Make it as easy as possible for them to deal with practical and administrative aspects of our death
- Minimise their levels of anxiety, stress, guilt and regret at the most difficult of times
- Enable them to celebrate our life and cherish our memory.
Planning for life
Talking about death is about planning for life, helping us make the most of the time that we have. Asking yourself, 'what matters to me?', can help you plan for the future.
There may be things you want to do or see before you die. There might be people you want to spend time with and activities you want to do together. Some people want to revisit past experiences, like seeing friends, visiting significant places or looking at old photographs or letters.
Thinking about your future care
Most people don’t think about their future care until they become ill and really need it. But it is never too early to start thinking about what your preferences might be. After all none of us know what the future holds and it is possible that many of us could need care, or might lose capacity to make decisions for ourselves.
This process is sometimes referred to as advance care planning and includes any decisions you make about your future care. This might be:
- How you would like to be looked after
- Where you would like to be looked after in the future and in your final days
- Any treatments you don’t want to have - sometimes called an advance decision to refuse treatment (ADRT)
- Any spiritual or religious beliefs you would like to be taken into account
- Who your doctors or nurses should talk to if you don't have capacity to make decisions
- The details of the person you have appointed to make decisions on your behalf if you're unable to make them (your Lasting Power of Attorney)
- How you would like practical matters to be dealt with, such as the care of a pet
- What you would like to happen to your body after you die.
None of us know what the future holds and it is possible that many of us could need care.
Other things to consider
There are plenty of other things to consider, not least putting together a folder of important documents and records capturing your wishes. More details about planning can be found on the Marie Curie website.
Whatever stage you’re at in your life, planning ahead can ensure that other people know what you want and make it more likely that your wishes will be followed in the future. But perhaps most important of all, it will make it as easy as possible for your family or friends. At an emotional and difficult time, it could be one of the greatest gifts you leave them.
Marie CurieMarie Curie has a wealth of resources on its website and is currently offering its Compassionate Workplaces training covering a range of topics relating to dying, death and bereavement, including a module on Planning Ahead.
For more information, please see: Compassionate workplaces training programme (mariecurie.org.uk) or contact:
kate.vernon@mariecurie.org.uk
Illustration by Adam Mallett
